M

snakelikecharmer:

parisjemm:

A relationship is like a house

If a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.

Unless that house is a lying whore

Then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.

This took the best possible turn.

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faithanddagger:

I don’t care who you are. If your girlfriend falls asleep in your lap, and even after 30 minutes when both of your legs go numb, don’t move. You fucking stay there and appreciate the cute little thing in your lap. If you move you’re weak and natural selection is coming for you.

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unclefather:

kay-vis:

troyxleonardo:

With just a chill head bop Jordin still manages to have more rhythm than the three tragedies next to her

What in the hell is Lorde doing?

filling the room with the ghosts from inside her body
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visacredit:

ummm…

brogan-loves-demetria:

franklycats:

Whenever a guy sleeps with lots of girls he is a “player” but whenever I do it I’m a “lesbian”

I laughed to hard

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reblog this post with 278,867 notes
beyondhighh:

Arnold don’t play no games hoe.
  • Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
  • Me: Oh ok cool
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: This is a febreze commercial right
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh
reblog this post with 145,878 notes
so-personal:

everything personal
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beautifulgodzilla:

THIS TOOK A FAR DIFFERENT TURN THEN I EXPECTED
reblog this post with 7,527 notes
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